I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
