Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think people are normalizing furries
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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