I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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