I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
