what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
