i think my tv is drunk
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
