my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
