I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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