yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize