Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
