Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
