i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
