the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
