Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
