i permit you to call me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
