apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
