Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
