i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize