He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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