dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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