While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
