accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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