im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
