PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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