He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
