My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
