Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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