No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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