just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
