i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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