So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
