this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
