It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
