He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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