i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
