Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
