I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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