we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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