I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
