I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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