he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
