He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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