Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
one might say we're banned from that church
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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