I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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