but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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