i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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