Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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