would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
