I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
