And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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