how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
