remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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