My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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