oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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