some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
