im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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