So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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