Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dick very happy bro
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
