we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
