I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
