I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
