I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
