so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
