Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
