in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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