JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
