seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
