Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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