You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
