I want to make a zoo with you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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