I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
