does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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