he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
