you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
