do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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