I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
