Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
