I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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