i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
