just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just had sex bonerless
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
