when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
