I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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