I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
