I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
