me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
