I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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