The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
