We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize