idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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