i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
