carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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