Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
