I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
