What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
